Y Tuesday, January 10, 2012Y
12:55 AM
dont know what's with that super strong insecure feeling i've been having for the past few days. its been totally driving me crazy :(and why do i always land myself in weird situations? or rather why do i feel that alot of situations are weird? :/ sometimes, i just...don't know how to interact with people. its just...so weird :/ arrgghh how i wish i can just hide in some cave and spend my life there.
Y Tuesday, January 03, 2012Y
10:51 PM
a very bad day. i guess i should just calm down and treat it as if nth's happened. i'm fine. nth's gonna happen to me. i'm fine. really fine.
Y Wednesday, December 28, 2011Y
2:48 AM
emo-ing once again. somehow, wide awake now. reflecting on the past sem. its really bad. nothing actually seemed to go well. somehow everything seems to screw up. a bad start to a new beginning i should say :(
but i guess what's over is over already. no point keep thinking about it. but sometimes, it just cant be helped. i guess maybe it's just that i've been running away from the problem for too long. time to face reality.
working hard for next sem but can i really do it?
confidence. i need it.
Y Tuesday, December 27, 2011Y
1:41 PM
the irritating feeling of insecurity is back again. i hate it :(dreading next sem. i have to up cap. but honestly, i have no confidence. busy sem. it havent even started but timetable planning is already driving me crazy. arrgghhh
Y Thursday, December 22, 2011Y
1:07 AM
results out ytd. bad as expected. but weird feeling that i had :/ kind of mentally prepared for it actually. just relieved that i passed everything. but cap currently is in a very cui state. desperately need to up cap next sem. NEED TO.timetable planning is really a super irritating thing. whats wrong with all the irritating clashes here and there. argh its driving me crazy. why cant a find a nice mod that i can take nxt sem which doesnt clash.
Y Sunday, December 11, 2011Y
2:26 PM
is this the right path? once again, lost.
Y Saturday, December 10, 2011Y
4:38 PM
- happy. though i know there's this element of luck. but somehow, i hope it isnt purely luck and i'm able to maintain it....- hate decision making. sometimes, i dont even understand why i make certain decisions.
- timetable planning. another headache :/
Y Wednesday, December 07, 2011Y
2:50 AM
原本以为只是考试期间压力太大，所以心情总是不好。但，谁知考完了试，一样没变。也不知为了什么，总觉得很不安，很烦。总觉得做什么都不顺利，自己好没用。总觉得很无助。未来的方向， 一点也不清楚。想尽力做好现在该做好的，但却什么也做不好。不安，无助的感觉。想哭，却又不想让人知道，就得压抑着自己的情绪。想说，却又不知如何的说。笑了，但总觉得心里没彻底地的在笑，好像心里总是被个石头压着。
其实，也不知道自己在烦什么，但就总觉得很不安。真希望一觉睡醒，什么烦恼也没了。好想与世隔离，不要面对这一切。。。
Y Tuesday, December 06, 2011Y
4:26 PM
what is wrong with me. and all those weird feelings i've been having since recess week.everything's just weird weird and more weird. it feels as if my life is in a mess. everything's in a mess. nothing seems to go the right way. i don't even know what i am thinking. everything is just.. turning my whole brain upside down.
me and my weird moods recently. watching show seems to be the only escape for all these. even sleeping doesnt help now. can't even sleep at night. if only things were all like in the past. sleep it off and treat it as though nothing happened. but, now, i'm still supposed to face everything. myself.
somehow it feels as though its harder and harder to control my emotions nowadays. stress, frustration, whatever. i just cant seem to calm myself down. as much as i keep telling myself everything's going to be ok. i should just relax, nothing's going to go wrong. but somehow, something is going to go wrong. my brain, my heart, they just dont believe me anymore. relax, peaceful and calm day... i need a day to relax and forget about everything. but how?
i thought this holiday is going to be a good one. finally a holiday without any commitments other than cca. no work, no school, nothing. i can just relax and enjoy. but somehow, i'm wrong. even on the last paper, after the last paper. that feeling is just...still there! it seemed as if there's still something heavy weighing down. but i have no idea what it is. i just dont feel that sense of relief that i usually feel after exams.
same for shooting. everything just doesnt turn out right. there are times when somehow i feel that shooting is losing its meaning. aim was to enjoy it. to do something other than just studying. to make uni life more fun. enjoy it. but now, it seems to become another worry. it sucks to know that you shot for 2 years but your standard now is in a super cmi mode. it just sucks. and, i dont seem to be able to control what i'm thinking when i shoot. or rather, maybe i control too much. i don't know. i really dont know.
feel so lost now. tired of pretending everything's ok. tired of having to face everything. sometimes, i think i'm really useless. hate this life of mine.
Y Sunday, December 04, 2011Y
9:51 PM
someone tell me how to enjoy this holiday. weird feeling :/
Y Thursday, December 01, 2011Y
3:19 PM
the most relaxing holiday which is not relaxing at all :/
Y Tuesday, November 29, 2011Y
5:24 PM
end of exams, end of this semester. having a weird feeling :/ haizzdont know why these few days in a very weird mood. sometimes, i got this feeling like, i wanna hide myself at home and not do anything, not talking to anyone. but when i do that, it feels weird too. weird feeling :( kinda irritated with myself. what exactly do i want!!